Where I THOUGHT I’d be at age 29…

I’m sitting here writing this. 
Looking around my room. My place. 
My empty-ish studio apartment that I’ve lived in for 6 months. 

In a few days, I will be 29 years old. 

I had an idea for a blog post that would encapsulate all the lessons I learned in my 28th year. But then something else made its way to me. 

Something that felt way more in alignment with what I felt during my 28th year.

One in which so many of us feel at this age… I mean surely I’m not alone on this one. 

Today this question popped into my head. 
“Where did you think you’d be by the age of 29?”

I’ll tell you right now it’s not at all where I am right now.  

I thought in my mind, I would DEFINITELY be married and probably have two kids by now. I thought I would have more than enough money in my bank account to buy my own home. I thought I’d be close enough to family to have Sunday dinners.I thought I’d have my own house. I thought I’d know what true love feels like. 

I thought. 
I thought by the age of 29 I’d have it all figured out. 

I really, really did.  

But today I had a huge realization. One that has been building this entire year. 

NEWSFLASH!

I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. 
…. not even close. 

I do NOT have enough money saved to even buy a new pair of shoes let alone a mortgage. I am VERY, VERY single. I do NOT have any children, not even a fish. 
I spend Sunday nights FaceTiming my family while I cook my dinner and then I eat alone. (don’t worry- it’s DEFINITELY NOT as sad as it sounds) 

At the age of 29, I really thought my life would look a lot different than it does right now. 

Today.
Today something hit me. 

Today I realized that we all have different paths that are not only unique to us in what we create in the world. 
But also where we go. Each of our paths evolves as we evolve. They are destined. I believe this to be true. 

I believe that in the past 28 years of my life, all the lessons I had to learn happened the way they were meant too. 

I believe that my path took me on a “non-traditional” route because that’s what my soul needed and chose.

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For what I’m meant to be doing here. My purpose. 

I believe by me doing this, by me choosing a “different” way than I THOUGHT I would… has not only been a teacher for me but also for so many of those who surround me. 

I believe that my “NON-TRADITIONAL” route was the route that was meant for me and really not that untraditional to my soul at all.… I mean clearly *wipes sweat from forehead 

My path much like everyone else’s is very unique to them. 
We all have our own ways of being and doing. 

We all come here for a reason that is WAY greater than what our minds can even fathom.

I think part of the reason I am here is to show the world things can be done in a different way. A way in which has been deemed “non-traditional”. #AQUARIUSGIRL

A wanderer. 
A dreamer. 

One of a gypsy soul. 

This past year I found myself scrolling through the INSTA world and seeing what seemed like every other person getting engaged, married AND/OR having a baby. Buying houses. Travelling to new places in the world with their boyfriends. Getting AMAZING paying jobs. Furnishing their homes with all of IKEA and or my fave… HOMESENSE. 

LOOKING like they were living their best life. 

I would then look around at my life and see how empty it was. 
…. how empty I was perceiving it to be. 

An empty pocket/ wallet.
An empty apartment.
No boyfriend. 
Some plants that had seen better days. 

To sum it up, I went through a phase this past year of feeling an intensity of worthlessness. 

I started looking to others who seemed like they had everything I THOUGHT I wanted by the age of 29. 

After many, MANY tears, breakthrough healing sessions, and LOADS of journalling. 
I realized something. 

I realized that NONE of what I THOUGHT I wanted is what I WANT now. 

The curiosity that I have inside of me is way too ambitious to have that life. 
It’s taken me down a route I never ever THOUGHT I wanted. One that I didn’t even know existed. 

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The past 28 years may have looked very different from what I thought long ago. But what I know for sure is that it was all leading me to this point. 

To a point of a different type of life. 
One that I can show to the world is possible. 
One in which I get to show myself is possible. 
One in which I get to live my dreams… no matter how hard it maybe sometimes. 

My path hasn’t lead me to marriage, a house or a baby on the way. 
But what I did get was a whole LOT of love and fulfillment in places I never imagined. 

What I got was a life experience. 
What I got was learning through doing. 
Experiencing life in its absolute fullest form.

I took the path in the game of life that everyone sees as risky. 
The one that isn’t “safe”.
One that might fall from under you. 
And let me tell you… man has it fell from under me. 

But through it all, I got to this point. 
To my 29th Birthday. 
To do things in a different way. 
To choose a path that is and was and always will be unknown.

No, I didn’t get the life I THOUGHT I would have. But, I got a lot more than I ever imagined I would. 

I found myself. 
I learned who I am today. 
I discovered myself. 
I fell in LOVE with the woman writing these words. 

I learned to love me.
I learned my own definition of happiness.

So instead of a blog about the lessons, I learned as a 28-year-old, how about instead we celebrate. We celebrate our own paths that lead us down the road where we were always meant to go. Where we will always be guided toward with a bright shining light. 

There is absolutely no way that anyone can tell us where we should be.
Where the right path is for us. 
The only way to know – is by listening to the calling of your soul. Of listening to that heartbeat you got right there. 

It’ll tell you what’s right.
You just have to listen. 

No one else can tell you… 
because no one else is you. 

and so what?
So what if it’s a different path. 
So what if it looks different than you thought it would. 
SO friggan what?

Look at the story that came from it. 
It’s such a gift. 

Walking down memory lane reminds me of not only NOT having the things I thought I wanted, BUT it reminds me of all the things I had only have dreamt of happening that actually HAPPENED.

What an empowering place to be. 

I know my journey here hasn’t been normal. I know that everything I’ve done has brought me to a place of gratitude for that. 
I know that 29 will look very different from the past. Just as every year after that. 

Life is not only a gift, but one big mystery. 

You never know where your path will take you. 
And maybe, just maybe that’s the best part of it all. 

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I’m ready for you 29.                                                          
Saturn Return and all.


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