This is crazy.
I know what’s you’re thinking… how could there possibly be a blessing in having your heart ripped from your chest. Shattered into pieces. And feeling the intensity of emptiness in your body.
Call me crazy maybe… but there is a blessing. A BIG ONE!
I wrote out this idea for this Blog on June 26th 2019. I thought to myself this would be an amazing idea. But I wasn’t in any sort of heartbreak situation at the time.
I had gone through BIG heartbreak before… but it wasn’t the right time to write about it because my heart wasn’t there.
I pushed it aside… secretly hoping I’d never have to write it because then that would mean I would have experienced that god awful pain all over again.
If you’ve made it this far, you can probably assume that this is being written because my heart has been reminded. The words that need to be written for this blog have been recently lived.
Maybe I manifested it ?
Or maybe it was always destined?
Regardless- I’m here, I’m alive, I’m still breathing and I 10000% believe there is blessing in heartbreak.
You see, our hearts feel.
They are the core being of our emotional body. The part of us that beats faster when we feel. Or in the contrast, breaks when we feel. Almost like this yin yang embodiment.
Our hearts have this beautiful way of feeling these amazing moments of absolute bliss and joy. While also having the ability to make us feel pain and discomfort. What a blessing to be able to feel both.
The last few months I was reminded of this.
Of these feelings of euphoria.
Of these feelings of enlightenment.
Of these feelings of blissful joy.
Of these feelings I’d forgotten.
All the be reminded once again.
I was met with contrast in the journey.
From feeling these beautiful emotions.
To feeling a sense of loss, of lack, and of feeling my heart rip out from my chest.
These feelings reminded me of old hurt. Of old wounds. Of people, places and things where my heart broke in all the ways it had before.
So what’s the blessing?
… I’m getting there 😉
I think being in this deep dark place has so many lessons to teach us all. It’s a space of remembrance. Of finding your strength. Of learning to accept support. Of finding love for yourself in ways you couldn’t see before. Of learning to see how loved you are by others. Of watching yourself grow. Because in the deepest darkest days are often where you are growing at a pace you can’t even see. Until you reach the root. The other side. The growth of the rock bottom. Of the hurt. Teaches you exactly what you need in that moment of your growth.
For me, I was reminded of all the times my heart had broken before. Of all the times I sat on the ground in a ball, rocking back and forth on the ground sobbing. Or in the shower letting the water wash away my tears.
Our hearts break many many times in this life.
My heart has broken many times, and I’m not naive to the fact that it will probably break again many many times, all for me to piece back together many many times over.
My heart broke the day you didn’t come when you said you would.
My heart broke multiple times when we’d get back together and break up again.
My heart broke when I found out you cheated.
My heart broke the day I found out my best friend had Cancer.
My heart broke the day I moved away from home the first time- standing outside my new home.
My heart broke the day I had to say bye to my family to embark on a journey in a new place in a new province.
My heart broke looking back and watching my dad cry as I walked through the gate.
My heart broke when my best friend left the country.
My heart broke everytime I left a country I traveled to.
My heart breaks every time I say goodbye.
My heart broke when you left and never said goodbye.
My heart broke when you used me.
My heart broke when I felt something so good being taken away from me.
My heart breaks when I hear awful things happening to good people. To the world.
My heart breaks every time I sit with a child in pain.
Within all this heartbreak, I realized the blessing. The blessing of feeling.
The blessing of all this heartbreak isn’t just to show me how strong I am- or how any of us are when we come up against this. But instead the blessing is in the ability to feel.
The blessing of heartbreak is feeling the ray of emotions. It’s being a human and experiencing the contrast. Because in doing this you learn. You grow. You show yourself and the world that you are a human who has feelings that you are not afraid to feel. You see that you have a heart. That you have this beautiful thing inside of you beating. Showing you you are alive. That you opened up. That you dove in. That you let someone into your world. That you bravely stepped into a phase in your life where you lead with in open heart. That’s the blessing.
That fact that heartbreak came up in your life… shows you that YOU let yourself feel the beauty and essence of vulnerability and love to some degree. That’s bravery.
Our hearts are these gorgeous plentiful organs inside our body, that we can’t touch yet we feel so prominently. Fragile yet so strong.
When we allow ourselves to feel, to connect and to dive in and remove the gates we so badly want to keep there out of fear and protection.
We experience our humanness.
We experience a full heart.
So the blessing from all this heartbreak has shown me how far I’ve come.
It’s shown me that I am brave.
That all the work I’ve done to break down the barriers around my heart – it’s working. It worked.
I am able to feel.
And that is a beautiful blessing.
In the dark. There is also always light.
And in moving forward I will always, always choose to feel and keep my heart open. Because why?
Because in this blessing I learned that the risk of leading with an open heart ALWAYS outweighs never feeling any of this at all.
And THAT is the blessing of heartbreak.
“The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.”
– Deepak Chopra