Summer you taught me how to be still.
How to play and how to evoke and awakening an energy inside of me that had been lost for a while. You taught me how to breathe when things got heavy and how to sit with my emotions without numbing or running. You taught me that when things get tough and change is on the horizon that riding the wave is the most effective way to be with that feeling. To paddle until you can’t anymore. To feel the wave under you and let it take you to shore. To where I was always meant to go.
You taught me how to have faith in the unknown.
How to open my heart to someone.
A stranger. A person who came into my world and struck me with grace and elegance. With kindness and patience that I’ve never before witnessed. You showed me how to believe that miracles happen every day. You gave me a gift that I can’t ever thank you enough for.
Summer you may be ending but your beautiful energy and memories will for ever be part of me.
2019 has been hard. A struggle for most. A time of ripping down the old to build a new. Our old structures crumbled beneath our feet leaving us smack down on the floor in tears. All to build us back up. All to prepare us for our new realities.
Summer you were the break we needed.
Summer you put air back into our lungs.
Summer you connected us with a stillness to ourselves that bled into others.
Summer you rippled your waves from the hearts of others into our own.
Summer you’ve been a beautiful ray of sunshine.
Summer you gave me lessons I couldn’t have ever imagined.
1.You taught me how to say YES
To give into the moments that make my heart flutter. To seek out Adventure. To say yes to new things, new people and new unknown territory. You gave me this feeling of butterflies and fear everytime I’d say yes. You pointed me in the direction of my dreams.
2. You showed me that adventure is around every corner you just have to accept it.
By learning how to say yes I found new places, people and things. You showed me that just around every corner there is something waiting for me. A place to play. A feeling that I didn’t know existed. A playful expression. A person ready to connect. This summer taught me that when you are curious about things you tap into your innate inner child. It gave five year old Courtney life again. She wasn’t fearful. She wasn’t completely fearless but she lead with courage and curiosity around every bend.
3. You showed me how having an open heart leads to miracles unfolding.
Completely letting go from the bars around my guarded heart- I set the intention to feel everything this summer. Not to numb. Not to say no. Not to limit myself from experiences because of fear of the unknown. By doing this I needed faith.
I needed to trust myself and my intuition that it was building me up and guiding me to where I needed to go. All those corners that held adventure on the other side had something in store for me that my soul was guiding me to all along.
It was like all the blockages and all the bandages had been removed so I could feel, heal and see the precious tender love that my heart held all along. Connection, embrace, light and unconditional love imploded within me. Breaking me to new heights.
4. You helped me say goodbye.
Summer 2019 you’ve been the end of an era. You were the end of a season during my lifetime that I won’t ever forget. You gave me a sense of relief from the ups and downs. A break from the roller coaster by showing me that my discomfort was all leading me to this moment in time. You gave me life.
You helped me realize that the past versions of me I was outgrowing all along and this season showed me how to reconnect. How to love my journey. And how to let it go. How to say goodbye to attachment to not knowing what comes next all while welcoming in the new.
5. You gave me my dreams.
It happened so fast like a blink of the eye.
It happened so quickly it almost makes me cry.
I want it to slow down so I can go back and savour every moment. Every minute of what I asked for made its way to me. I look back at journals and see what I wrote down daily and how now I’m holding it in my current reality. Summer 2019 was like a tunnel, a portal, a vortex to my new life. It came in so fast. I feared it all leaving. I still fear all of this. I’m in love with how it happened, how it made me feel and who it brought in. My heart is full from knowing that fate exists. My dreams came true and I have the power the co create a reality more beautiful than I could have ever even imagined. I have the power to create my destiny.
6 (BONUS). You showed me that slowing down and saying no is more than okay.
You showed me that listening to my heart will always be a little bit scary. It won’t give me the answers that I want. But it works together with my intuition to nudge me in the right direction.
I had to say no. I had to slow down. I had to leave what wasn’t making me happy and draining my energy. This was hard. It meant some struggle. It still means struggle.
But I learned that I need to walk my talk and believe that there’s a way to grow, learn and earn while still caring for your health. This is and will be for a long time a work in progress. It’s something I’m passionate about and want to learn more of.
But summer gave me the time to explore this. “We are not machines. And even if we were we’d still break down”. This played in my head over and over reminding me that our life is precious. Nothing is forever. So make the most of this body you have. This soul you have. This mind you have. And this heart you have.
So where does this leave me?
I’m honestly not sure.
Inside I’m calm as well as freaking out because I simply just don’t know.
Summer was a pause. A time to reflect. To make big changes and to get myself on track for the next coming stages.
I found someone this summer who taught me a lot about life. How I deserve to be treated. How I want to live life. I’ve learned a lot from this person and about myself. So where I go to next is a unwritten chapter as well.
I have no idea of what’s to come.
The unknown is creeping in as the days get shorter and September nears closer.
I have to trust that there is a bigger plan that right now I’m just not meant to know.
So cheers to summer and the fun times we shared.
Cheers to the people, the places and the new found experiences. The Eclipses, the retrogrades, endings and beginnings.
Cheers to you Summer 2019 for making my life deeper, sweeter and a heck of lot better.