I’ve been opening my heart.
I’ve been softening my edges.
I’ve found the beauty of feminine energy surrounding my heart space.
It’s been a beautiful and painful process.
The uncovering of all the past hurt.
The layers of emotions, the depths of fears and the walls that guarded me.
The work I have put in to loosen my grip and allow myself to feel everything- is the truest version of me.
I’ve walked through waters I didn’t know existed.
I fell to the ground exploring my pain.
My heart revisited places so vividly as if it were in this current reality.
The unblocking came with sacrifice and solitude. It was a journey to the centre of my being.
It went from feeling withholding and unconscious. To light and filled with beautiful curiosity and compassion.
With love for myself and for those around me. Love for the human race. Love for people, places and things. Gratitude for new experiences and adventures. Openness for love and connection.
The healing that my heart has found, has been a life changing experience.
On Wednesday April 10th it hit me.
My eyes opened wider as I felt this freeing feeling in my chest. An expansion. It felt good. It felt radically beautiful and calm. It felt like what I imagine love to be.
This was the day it culminated. My “aha” moment. It came to me – I realised my heart had been set free.
This day I was part of a conversation about relationships and dating. All things negative and positive when it comes to online dating. When it comes to getting to know another in a romantic sense.
I had nothing negative to say.
I didn’t feel the same way they did about anything.
I felt removed entirely from the person I use to be. The person who would agree and play victim. Who would badger the opposite sex.
In this moment I traded in my version of an unhappy emotionally detached human to for a woman in her divine feminine.
I put my hand over my heart and felt pure unconditional love. A blissfully magical moment I never imagined I would get to experience.
My heart felt healed.
From the girl who was hurt.
Who said she wouldn’t ever let anyone break her heart ever again. She found a way to get back up and understand that connection and love is the key to a bravely beautiful heart.
The moment I decided something needed to change was from a chain of events with one person. A person who held up a mirror unknowingly. A person who terrified me. A person who seemingly was my “manifestation mate”. I sabotaged and ran away. Ghosted.
I went through the motions and finally realized something needed to change.
It was time to adjust.
It’s been a journey of unraveling the layers and hard work to break down the walls I worked so hard to build up.
The past year has been about seeking teachers and being the student in my own life all for the sake of my heart.
I knew I needed to change something. I knew I wanted to call in a romantic relationship and I knew I wanted to give and receive love.
I had to get to the root of the wounds and rewrite my story.
I found Lacy Phillips at Free and Native and did her course on Partnership. This helped me to unblock my beliefs I held around love and my self worth. It was intensely beautiful.
I found Mark Groves with his create the love Instagram account and explored his videos and constantly soaked up his teachings about human connection. And it opened my mind to learning the masculine point of view.
I went to heart opening woman’s circles. Which consciously connected me with other woman who inspired me to grow. To feel. To be vulnerable.
I searched hours on YouTube and Listened to podcasts about relationships and took in all that I could.
I journaled every day.
I listened to other people’s stories and struggles in relationships.
I started a blog honouring my emotions and learned to start speaking my truth.
I went to Reiki healing.
This all connected me to my heart.
It showed me my shadows and where I hold back. My past patterns and why I choose them. Childhood came up. Memories. And visions of the future danced in my head.
I meditated and received guidance about my blocks.
I cried a lot.
Felt intense pain.
And ate ALOT of chocolate.
Now my heart radiates. It feels lighter and more pure. I feel every emotion with my entire body and my heart leads me to places I know I’m meant to be.
She beats in my chest to let me know I’m alive. To let me know I’m living and that’s a beautiful thing.
Healing your heart is a big undertaking. It’s an inner job that requires patients, work and an undeniable amount of courage and bravery. Because going within and making a conscious decision to reveal your pain is the definition of courageous bravery.
We all have stories.
We all have subconscious beliefs.
We all have traumas.
We all have feelings.
We all have emotions.
We all have the choice to decide how we want to live with them.
I went from that girl who was closed off and hurt NEVER wanting any other person to see my whole heart again, to the woman who has evolved to choosing to live with an open heart. To having a heart that is pure. That is kind and loving. To having a heart filled with empathy and a ray of emotions. She believes its the most wonderful part about her. She finally believes that her heart is big. She believes that her gift is being able to feel.
My heart is my powerful guide.
I love it and feel safe with my emotions.
I feel blessed knowing I can feel again.
I did the work.
I continue to do the work.
So I can stand in my power and my purpose. So I can use my scars as a place to empathise with others. So I can be authentically me.
I’ve been cracked open and ready to let my light shine outward while allowing love to flow into my heart like an unconditional mystical stream.I’m here and ready for my heart to feel the things it couldn’t ever have imagined it would feel.
The walls have been torn down.
I’m ready for my time to love and be loved.
I’m here now.
I’m finally ready to let love in.
I understand what it takes and that it’s the biggest act of courage I’ll take in my life. I’ll have to give and sacrifice like I’ve never had to before. I’ll need to learn to love another human. I’ll need to learn to let him in.
It’s going to be a journey. An adventure of a lifetime