I’m noticing the more and more as I start to stand in my authenticity and embrace my wholeness I’m feeling alone in some ways.
I feel misunderstood or not heard in certain arenas and environments.
I’m trying to navigate this change in a new way.
One of my greatest lessons in this life is to embrace my authenticity. I also believe because it is what I need to learn- it’s also what I’m here to teach, to model and a big part of my purpose. Typical Aquarius 💁🏽♀️
Sometimes I feel like I’m on an entirely different level that not many people are on. Or they just don’t talk about.
I find comfort in social media and podcasts because these people and content resonate with me and make me feel like I’m not alone. It’s a place where more vulnerability seems to be being shared.
I do have friends who are growing and up leveling in the same direction but I also have some who are not.
I’m learning how to balance this. Learning to accept that you can have many friends for many different reasons.
But the more that I step into my uniqueness and aspects of myself that maybe haven’t been broadcasted publicly- two things happen.
I feel vulnerable and proud of myself all at once. And at first it feels like a rush of self love through my body and it truly doesn’t matter what others think in that moment.
Then when that wares off and I’m in places where it doesn’t feel right (I don’t feel like I belong energetically) then I start to feel my ego creep in and run its course. The playlist of no one understands me, no one wants to understand me, I’m alone, and I feel embarrassed speaking my truth to them. It hurts and feels like I’m invisible or the weird one.
When I step back and observe this from a broader perspective, I can clearly see that this is teaching me to look at where I’m at in my self worth. Where I’m at when it comes to bravely living out my authenticity and loving myself and not caring what others think.
There’s a quote/ mantra I love from a girl who is one of my expanders in life- Sarah’s Day. (she’s a YouTuber and inspiring AF – go follow her 👌🏻)
She says HASTAG # ACT CONFIDENT AND NO ONE WILL QUESTION YOU!
I mean she’s entirely right!
People who stand in their power, who own their quirks, flaws, grub days – you name it…
They are fully in their worth and they are just so happy doing them that they are unbothered about what others think of them.
THIS IS GOALS 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
For myself I find that when it comes to my appearance or what I wear for the most part I’m not bothered with this. When it comes to things I do well -not bothered by it but instead appreciate feedback for growth. When it comes to things like my intuition or spiritual side/ personal growth and developing NEW “hobbies” and interests – THIS is where I struggle.
It was a lot easier to talk about the mundane tasks in life like TV shows and the weather. It was easier to talk about clothing items or about other people. But none of those every FELT good to me.
The more that I start to grow into my authenticity and into the highest version of myself, I find it hard to have surface level conversations. I find it hard to talk about the negativity in the news. I find it hard to be around people who will NOT be vulnerable even in the slightest. I find it hard to engage with people who only use humour. I find it hard to be completely confident in myself when surrounded by these types scenarios.
I crave deep conversations.
I crave vulnerability in other people.
I crave hearing passion in another’s voice when they speak.
I crave learning from and with others about new age topics.
I crave more connection over positivity than negativity.
I crave an environment that allows me to live in my flow.
I know this is teaching me how to be compassionate and loving. I know I’m learning how to release judgement. From myself for being “different” and off of others who may not understand.
I know that I ultimately am learning how to stay true to who I am at my core and not let different peoples thoughts and opinions about me change that.
I have to learn how to not want their acceptance and just fully honour and accept myself for all parts of me.
Being self aware – I always say is a blessing and a curse.
I am FORCED to transform my life immensely A LOT. My soul just has a plan of its own and enjoys upgrading, changing and growing.
With that comes releasing what I no longer fit into. It hurts. It’s uncomfortable but it’s also beautiful.
So who is the highest version of Courtney Burns? What are my most authentic traits?
What does being aligned for me look and feel like?
Speaking my truth and being kind always.
Honouring and not being afraid to state my opinions.
Sharing my passions.
Travelling and immersing myself in new culture.
Lives minimally but with nice things.
Has deep spiritually connected relationships.
Uses my intuition daily as a guiding post.
Freedom to be curious.
Makes a difference in the world.
Supports my friends and family.
Is vulnerable and is a safe place for others to be vulnerable.
Has high self worth.
Has a spiritual practice.
Embraces a healthy lifestyle.
Radiates pure happiness and love.
Doesn’t follow the crowd but makes her own path.
Challenges the status quo.
Is inclusive to all.
Generous, giving and grateful.
Here to be of service.
This is my version of my highest self.
This is who I desire.
This is who I work every day to become. Sometimes I slip up, some days take longer to achieve these and some days I radiate all of them.
Finding my authenticity is a dance. It’s a path that’s always finding newer ways of expansion. I become more aligned on this path the truer that I stay to myself.
It’s a journey and I’m learning.
“My authenticity is the beautiful light inside of me that I was born here to shine.”